Update, Dec. 2009: I wrote this a long time ago. I have not hated Twitter for quite a long time and have since started using it.
There's no way to write these things without sounding like a rousing curmudgeon, especially on all things technology. A lot of things annoy me at first that I end up using or liking. Grand examples include camera phones and MySpace/Facebook.
Anyway, one of my guiltiest pleasures is monitoring/voyeuring people I know on Facebook. I have over 180 friends on the service, the vast majority to whom I haven't spoken in many years. However, it is wildly fun to see that an ex-junior high school classmate is now married and working in amateur theater.
It is, of course, also oddly satisfying to find an ex-crush has gained lots of weight. I understand I've also become chubby, but schaedenfreude is schaedenfreude.
Anyway, the voyeurism inherent in Facebook is all good and well, but problematic is the status message. Most people use it as it is intended, to alert friends about actual status and current activity.
This, of course, is ridiculous. And Twitter is an extension of this.
There are two things at work here: The constant connectedness of our 21st-century lives and the Internet as a repository of everything in creation.
I am not necessarily against either idea. I would be the world's biggest hypocrite were I to complain about stupid shit posted on the Web; this blog is based entirely on the idea that I want someplace to complain. People can read it or not, which is fine. The Web is largely a repository for everything, be it stupid, offensive or brilliant.
Similarly, I own a cell phone -- I have a friend who doesn't and he is difficult to get a hold of. Indeed, my cell phone receives e-mail and the Web, so I am constantly connected to my electronic self.
The problem with Twitter is that its very existence gives people the ability to constantly update the world on their status. Instead of a daily "I am in place X," Twitter gives people the ability to constantly update every minute feeling/detail/bad idea/cheesy joke that pops into someone's head.
This, of course, is preposterous. The proliferation of blogs and the millions of Web sites on the Internet makes for a robust marketplace of ideas. A good, undiscovered writer can write about whatever s/he wants on the Web. Before the Web, this was not possible.
But there is no marketplace of ideas that Twitter satisfies or populates. Rather, it's simply an extension of the voyeurism inherent in status updates on a larger scale. There is no real worthwhile organization on Twitter and there is no real way to navigate the site. It is, for the most part, a clusterfuck of people Tweeting into the void.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Nail polish and decorations
I do not claim to be an expert on fashion, especially women's fashion. I prefer a few selected styles -- bookish, indie rock, etc. -- but I'm not an expert. I have very strong opinions on some things -- I think high heels are idiotic, I still don't understand why any woman wears a tube top, etc. -- but I'm not a woman. In case you were wondering.
With that said, I cannot think of a stupider, less attractive thing than the decoration and augmentation of the finger and toenails. It is a silly practice, one that makes no woman more attractive to me. It is a form of makeup that looks mildly retarded if done poorly and ugly/superficial if done well.
It's very strange. At some point in American culture, we decided that we wanted women's hands to look like, well, bloody claws. Red-tipped, bloody claws. Who approved this?
---
I like makeup on a lady; A personal favorite is the famed "smoked eyed look." I think tattooing is fine, though those who overdo it are probably a little unhinged. I understand that dyeing one's hair or getting a tat is actually less of big deal than nail polish.
Still. Those things, to me, represent something. Tatts are somewhat punk rock, though the overwhelming majority of them now are of the "I got drunk during rush week and decided that the moon represents me" tramp stamp variety. Using hair dye is self-expression in a way that normally augments a woman's looks -- no, I'm not talking about the bleached blonde set -- though I'd suggest that most "highlights" look ridiculous.
In fact, that's probably the best comparison. Some highlights look hilariously unnatural. We've all seen a woman with auburn hair, but small strands of blonde scattered across her straight lots. They look like lane lines on the highway, straight and unwavering. Out of place and meant to keep everyone in line.
Nail polish looks the same way. By its nature, it looks unnatural, save for maybe the "flesh" color (the least aggregious of all nail polish).
Yes, a woman's hands and feet are part of her body. Bad hands or bad feet, I'm sure, matter to some people. However, I've never heard a single man say he couldn't date someone because she has ugly hands or ugly feet. I've heard it about nearly every other part of the body; hairy arms, lumpy thigs, oddly-shaped breasts, giant nipples, strange noses, whatever. But, fingernails or, worse, toenails? No way.
---
All the solid-color finger and toenail decoration isn't my thing, but I understand that it's the cost of doing business. Women do this for whatever reason -- traditions date back to Egyptian times -- so fine. Whatever. But, that doesn't compare with the idiocy that is airbrushing and designing on one's finger and toenails.
The worst -- the absolute worst -- is this design nonsense. this nonsense, I think started out with the so-called "French" manicure, wherein the normal aspects of a fingernail were simply exaggerated. It's a duotone situation and thus requires more than just slapping some paint on a nail.
Then, the little designs came. Nonsense like this:
And this:
And this:
And, of course, this:
(Image from the Washington Post)
It looks ridiculous and it's some crazy peacock instinct a lot of women have. It's the same instinct that produces huge hair, the boobs-pushed-together thing, outlandish sports jerseys, crazy eye makeup and fat people wearing tangerine orange shirts. None, of course, of those things are good ideas.
---
And one final point: Putting nail polish on an ugly set of hands or feet does not make the hands or feet look good. Indeed, it simply draws more attention to them. It's the proverbial lipstick on the pig.
Or, hell, let's put it another way (to the straight men reading this): Have you ever seen an ugly chick with great fingernails and said "Damn, she looks like bigfoot, but look at those hands"?
Exactly.
With that said, I cannot think of a stupider, less attractive thing than the decoration and augmentation of the finger and toenails. It is a silly practice, one that makes no woman more attractive to me. It is a form of makeup that looks mildly retarded if done poorly and ugly/superficial if done well.
It's very strange. At some point in American culture, we decided that we wanted women's hands to look like, well, bloody claws. Red-tipped, bloody claws. Who approved this?
---
I like makeup on a lady; A personal favorite is the famed "smoked eyed look." I think tattooing is fine, though those who overdo it are probably a little unhinged. I understand that dyeing one's hair or getting a tat is actually less of big deal than nail polish.
Still. Those things, to me, represent something. Tatts are somewhat punk rock, though the overwhelming majority of them now are of the "I got drunk during rush week and decided that the moon represents me" tramp stamp variety. Using hair dye is self-expression in a way that normally augments a woman's looks -- no, I'm not talking about the bleached blonde set -- though I'd suggest that most "highlights" look ridiculous.
In fact, that's probably the best comparison. Some highlights look hilariously unnatural. We've all seen a woman with auburn hair, but small strands of blonde scattered across her straight lots. They look like lane lines on the highway, straight and unwavering. Out of place and meant to keep everyone in line.
Nail polish looks the same way. By its nature, it looks unnatural, save for maybe the "flesh" color (the least aggregious of all nail polish).
Yes, a woman's hands and feet are part of her body. Bad hands or bad feet, I'm sure, matter to some people. However, I've never heard a single man say he couldn't date someone because she has ugly hands or ugly feet. I've heard it about nearly every other part of the body; hairy arms, lumpy thigs, oddly-shaped breasts, giant nipples, strange noses, whatever. But, fingernails or, worse, toenails? No way.
---
All the solid-color finger and toenail decoration isn't my thing, but I understand that it's the cost of doing business. Women do this for whatever reason -- traditions date back to Egyptian times -- so fine. Whatever. But, that doesn't compare with the idiocy that is airbrushing and designing on one's finger and toenails.
The worst -- the absolute worst -- is this design nonsense. this nonsense, I think started out with the so-called "French" manicure, wherein the normal aspects of a fingernail were simply exaggerated. It's a duotone situation and thus requires more than just slapping some paint on a nail.
Then, the little designs came. Nonsense like this:
And this:
And this:
And, of course, this:
(Image from the Washington Post)
It looks ridiculous and it's some crazy peacock instinct a lot of women have. It's the same instinct that produces huge hair, the boobs-pushed-together thing, outlandish sports jerseys, crazy eye makeup and fat people wearing tangerine orange shirts. None, of course, of those things are good ideas.
---
And one final point: Putting nail polish on an ugly set of hands or feet does not make the hands or feet look good. Indeed, it simply draws more attention to them. It's the proverbial lipstick on the pig.
Or, hell, let's put it another way (to the straight men reading this): Have you ever seen an ugly chick with great fingernails and said "Damn, she looks like bigfoot, but look at those hands"?
Exactly.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tourists
I am not a native DC person. I've lived in the area just over five years now, so I sorta consider myself a local. People who have lived her their whole lives probably will take umbrage at my annoyance, but whatever. I don't care. This is a place fo rme to complain.
However, I have been riding Metro consistently for all five of those years and few things annoy me more than other Metro riders. The regulars are always annoying, but at least they've staked a claim on the Metro, as I have. When the federal workers and office folk bitch about late trains, at least they know the drill. Walk on the left, stand on the right. Don't try to pry open the doors (they're not like elevator doors, after all).
But, tourists. Oh, tourists. Let me give you some tips.
First, lose some weight. Seriously. If you're too fat to sit in the Smithsonian chairs -- which my fat ass swims in -- you need to lose some weight.
Second, not everyone knows the location of everything in this city. I'm happy to help if you have a question about streets, but when you ask me about the location of an upscale French restaurant at which I've never eaten, don't act disappointed. Especially when I'm in my softball uniform, walking back to my car with a bat bag. At least give me an address.
Third, learn the goddamned Metro rules, especially at stations where people are trying to transfer. People are in a hurry to get to their station. Walk on the left, stand on the right.
Fourth, if you have a large family (by "large," I mean both in number and in physical girth), do not expect to get a lot of seats together. Believe it or not, Washington is a functioning city with lots of people who use the Metro to get to work. We like to sit down, too. Some of us are polite and will give up a seat for your map-reading ass, but not many. We're tired and we're still holding a grudge for your standing in front of the door while we were getting on the train.
Finally, learn to dress. I know that everyone isn't going to adhere to my fascist fashion tendencies (no band t-shirts at shows, no shorts on grown men outside of BBQs and the beach, etc.), but please cool it with the "I'm from here" clothes. I am not making this up, but I recently saw a family wearing almost all Texas-themed gear. The father had a Rangers hat and a Cowboys shirt, while the son was wearing a UT hat and matching shirt. He had a Cowboys lanyard for his keys. The mother was wearing a visor with the Texas flag on it.
We get it. You're from Texas.
The other side is the group of jerks and idiots wearing all newly-bought DC gear. These are normally kids in a school group, but there's at least five with FBI or CIA gear. Or they have the I (heart) DC shirts. These people are young, but they are young idiots.
---
So, please, follow that advice and we'll get along great, DC tourists. It's a wonderful place to visit. Please do so. Take cabs and don't ask me for directions. Also, dress like a human being.
However, I have been riding Metro consistently for all five of those years and few things annoy me more than other Metro riders. The regulars are always annoying, but at least they've staked a claim on the Metro, as I have. When the federal workers and office folk bitch about late trains, at least they know the drill. Walk on the left, stand on the right. Don't try to pry open the doors (they're not like elevator doors, after all).
But, tourists. Oh, tourists. Let me give you some tips.
First, lose some weight. Seriously. If you're too fat to sit in the Smithsonian chairs -- which my fat ass swims in -- you need to lose some weight.
Second, not everyone knows the location of everything in this city. I'm happy to help if you have a question about streets, but when you ask me about the location of an upscale French restaurant at which I've never eaten, don't act disappointed. Especially when I'm in my softball uniform, walking back to my car with a bat bag. At least give me an address.
Third, learn the goddamned Metro rules, especially at stations where people are trying to transfer. People are in a hurry to get to their station. Walk on the left, stand on the right.
Fourth, if you have a large family (by "large," I mean both in number and in physical girth), do not expect to get a lot of seats together. Believe it or not, Washington is a functioning city with lots of people who use the Metro to get to work. We like to sit down, too. Some of us are polite and will give up a seat for your map-reading ass, but not many. We're tired and we're still holding a grudge for your standing in front of the door while we were getting on the train.
Finally, learn to dress. I know that everyone isn't going to adhere to my fascist fashion tendencies (no band t-shirts at shows, no shorts on grown men outside of BBQs and the beach, etc.), but please cool it with the "I'm from here" clothes. I am not making this up, but I recently saw a family wearing almost all Texas-themed gear. The father had a Rangers hat and a Cowboys shirt, while the son was wearing a UT hat and matching shirt. He had a Cowboys lanyard for his keys. The mother was wearing a visor with the Texas flag on it.
We get it. You're from Texas.
The other side is the group of jerks and idiots wearing all newly-bought DC gear. These are normally kids in a school group, but there's at least five with FBI or CIA gear. Or they have the I (heart) DC shirts. These people are young, but they are young idiots.
---
So, please, follow that advice and we'll get along great, DC tourists. It's a wonderful place to visit. Please do so. Take cabs and don't ask me for directions. Also, dress like a human being.
Friday, June 27, 2008
"Effing"
I'm 27 and my job title is "Web Producer." I am not aversed to the Internet. It is, no doubt, the most important thing to happen in my lifetime and has changed the way we do just about everything. Unfortunately, aspects of the Web and increased communication mean that the way we communicate has changed. And not for the better.
I understand the need to be succinct. I do not lambaste the move toward shorter news stories or 10-second soundbites. No, I don't love either, but I think short journalism is just as important as long journalsim.
Rather, the advent of certain technologies (smartphones) and software (IM) have created a trend of strange contortions of the English language which I cannot support. The first of these, of course, is the word "effing."
Often, in blogs and even in the mainstream media, you'll see someone write "effing" or "eff" in a blog post or comment section.
This is fucking stupid.
The reason that one says "effing" is because they are trying to use a verbal version of "f--king" or "f-ing." It's pretty simple; They are simple naming the letter to invoke a bad word. While this annoys me a little in speech (we're all adults and bad words are still just words), I have a potty mouth. That particular thing may be a Ross problem.
Nevertheless, when you're typing and you're self-censoring, what is the point of writing "effing." First off, "eff" is not a word. "F" is what you would be saying. That's it. If you're writing an e-mail, type "what the f?" Or "What the f--k?" If you're posting a blog comment, say "f-ing." Don't spell it out. It's two more keystrokes.
Think about it in other contexts. When you're writing to someone to say you got an 85% on a test, do you write "I got a bee on my test?" Do you ever type that Adam Carolla is a "see-list celebrity?" Of course you don't. Hell, for other bad words, people don't spell out the letter. I'm not an aye-hole or a geedee idiot. I'm an a-hole. A GD idiot.
People I know and like do this, which makes it even worse.
I understand the need to be succinct. I do not lambaste the move toward shorter news stories or 10-second soundbites. No, I don't love either, but I think short journalism is just as important as long journalsim.
Rather, the advent of certain technologies (smartphones) and software (IM) have created a trend of strange contortions of the English language which I cannot support. The first of these, of course, is the word "effing."
Often, in blogs and even in the mainstream media, you'll see someone write "effing" or "eff" in a blog post or comment section.
This is fucking stupid.
The reason that one says "effing" is because they are trying to use a verbal version of "f--king" or "f-ing." It's pretty simple; They are simple naming the letter to invoke a bad word. While this annoys me a little in speech (we're all adults and bad words are still just words), I have a potty mouth. That particular thing may be a Ross problem.
Nevertheless, when you're typing and you're self-censoring, what is the point of writing "effing." First off, "eff" is not a word. "F" is what you would be saying. That's it. If you're writing an e-mail, type "what the f?" Or "What the f--k?" If you're posting a blog comment, say "f-ing." Don't spell it out. It's two more keystrokes.
Think about it in other contexts. When you're writing to someone to say you got an 85% on a test, do you write "I got a bee on my test?" Do you ever type that Adam Carolla is a "see-list celebrity?" Of course you don't. Hell, for other bad words, people don't spell out the letter. I'm not an aye-hole or a geedee idiot. I'm an a-hole. A GD idiot.
People I know and like do this, which makes it even worse.
Hello
I wanted someplace to rant and the Internet gives me that opportunity. So, here is a new project -- on top of two other sites I admin/write for -- wherein I complain.
Complaining is one of my skills. On one hand, I come from a Jewish family. At the risk of being horribly offensive, Jews are world-class complainers, as a people. Jews have our own word for complaining: Kvetching.
Secondly, I am kind of a pathetic person. I'm a giant hypocrite and I expect greatness out of everyone, despite being less than great. I'm overweight, short, hairy and mostly unattractive. I think I'm funny, but I may be the only one.
Finally, I am getting older. I've always been a curmudgeon, but as I add years to my age, I find myself getting annoyed with trends and happenings of younger people. A lot of that has to do with Internet-tinged language, as you will see. A lot of it is my fear of getting older. A lot of it is jealousy of younger people.
With all that said, today my laziness will rule and I will be posting a modified version of something I've already written. Let the complaining begin!
Complaining is one of my skills. On one hand, I come from a Jewish family. At the risk of being horribly offensive, Jews are world-class complainers, as a people. Jews have our own word for complaining: Kvetching.
Secondly, I am kind of a pathetic person. I'm a giant hypocrite and I expect greatness out of everyone, despite being less than great. I'm overweight, short, hairy and mostly unattractive. I think I'm funny, but I may be the only one.
Finally, I am getting older. I've always been a curmudgeon, but as I add years to my age, I find myself getting annoyed with trends and happenings of younger people. A lot of that has to do with Internet-tinged language, as you will see. A lot of it is my fear of getting older. A lot of it is jealousy of younger people.
With all that said, today my laziness will rule and I will be posting a modified version of something I've already written. Let the complaining begin!
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